Finding happiness in financial failure

Welcome to my first blog posting! Needless to say, I am both excited and nervous to share this part of my life which is typically very private. I am a 32 year old, medical social worker currently working at an insurance company and live with my fiance and our two fur kids. Growing up, I had a financially responsible upbringing. Both of my parents worked full-time and saved so they could provide for our family and live comfortably in their current state of retirement- so jealous! See you in 30+ years 😦 I was always a saver and typically spent my allowance/holiday money on larger purchases like a large boom box (when I was in the 5th grade) when I was younger and larger jewelry purchases when I got older. I didn’t own a debit card until I was 18 and on my way to college and did not have a credit card until about five years ago. I’m lucky enough to say that I am in “good” financial standing and have 100% payment history. So why am I trying to aim towards financial freedom? Well, I may be in decent shape from the outside but on the inside, I am considered to be in debt. Now, part of this includes home repairs that resulted in a home equity loan (and recently the need to have a new roof due to a leak and the furnace and air conditioning unit to be repaired) as well as student/mortgage/car loans but partially from CC debt. How did this happen?- you may ask. Well, it started off slow and in small amounts but that interest crept up and what Clever Girl Finance states that you should not do- once you pay off debt, you just turn around and add to it. Well done, Elizabeth. I took a vested interest in my finances when I was able to get a better paying job in 2014-2015ish. Prior to this, I was working at employers that did not always pay well and I had barely had anything in retirement. I remember the “oh shit” moment when the company provides that tool where it tells you where you should be financially and based on your current savings how long you could “survive.” First off, they quoted that I would need at least 4K per month which was astronomically incorrect but once calculated, I could remain retired for like six months. I was shocked and as I knew that I was getting older, I knew that I needed to increase my retirement savings somehow. When I changed jobs, the salary difference was immediately allotted to my retirement. When I was promoted three short months later, I did the same again. Since this epiphany, I have continued on this current track pattern towards retirement. At the age of 32, I was shocked how many of my peers had not begun saving at all for retirement and I told them that saving was needed for when “you know, you can’t work anymore unless you plan on working until you’re dead.” Now, I’m aware that not everyone can financially do what I did when I re-vamped my retirement plan but I strongly encourage folks to do as much as they can and to remember that every bit counts. Recently, I began making small financial goals for myself, but I was not always good at budgeting myself and sticking to the goals. I realized recently that I was somewhat overextended at times and that I needed to cut down my spending and to start focusing on aggressively paying off debt before anything else. My current goals are to pay off CC debt (and not adding to it) by end of 2020, to reduce spending and increase saving as well as buying a lap top. I began looking into Clever Girl Finance by Bola Sokunbi and her IG account. The site’s girly, illustrated posts were eye-catching, witty and provided a financial tip almost regularly. Just last week, there was a post about calculating your net worth (your assets and liabilities). I gathered all my debt and my “assets” and was shocked by the result. I am a visual person by nature, so seeing my liabilities/debt via a pie graph was startling. I clearly needed to do better than I was. I started listening to her podcasts everyday (listening to the older episodes) and it started to make sense to me. I need to remind you that I am not perfect- I have made mistakes, I have felt guilty and I have not always been financially responsible. As I start this journey, my anxiety is where to begin. I’m a pretty rational person, so I know that I’m not too far gone financially to pick myself back up. I started to take Bola’s tips and I began to unsubscribe to shopping emails as well as turning off IG notifications when my favorite vendors made sale posts for items. Now I have to create a budget and am working on not spending during the week. I have food in my fridge, gas in my car for the week and no plans for lunches/coffee/dinners. I know that I have vacation planned in August and so I need to be smarter especially for the next four weeks. Let’s see how this goes. #borrowingisntthesameasbuildingit